The Spaces Within
by lyrebird
Summary: Ogata took small comfort in knowing no one witnessed his humiliating defeat to Shindou, until he saw the strange man sitting across the empty Go board OgataxSai, complete.


**The Spaces Within**

Ogata/Sai

Spoilers: for Sai's fate up to episode 60: Farewell Hikaru

Thanks to Aris for the fic challenge! This is for you, whether you want it or not :P

xxxxx

Ogata frowned at the Go board with bleary eyes and propped his chin on one upraised hand. It was the only way to keep himself from falling face forward into the board and disrupting the game.

No, it couldn't be. It had to be the moonlight playing tricks with his eyes, or the alcohol impairing his ability to focus. He could have sworn there was still a way out.

"I win. It's over," Shindou said cheerfully. There was no triumph or gloating in his tone, no shock or false modesty. He spoke as if defeating a 10-Dan title-holder came as naturally to him as breathing.

It was also an implied criticism of Ogata's abilities. Only a fool kept playing a game he could never win. But Shindou was right. Ogata couldn't see a way to win. He'd made too many errors, and Shindou had taken ruthless advantage of every single mistake. Such maturity for a young player...

Shindou swept the stones from the board. The clinking sounds roused Ogata from his daze.

"Wait."

But Shindou, impatient like all youth, didn't wait. He teased Ogata on how badly he played as he packed away the stones, like a tutor patiently dealing with a slow-witted student.

But even so, Shindou knew which stone was central to Ogata's game plan. He could have wasted time and effort attacking other stones, but with penetrating insight Shindou focused his attack on the one stone that mattered the most. The boy was such an enigma. Was he a protégé or an idiot savant? Ogata still didn't know the answer. All he knew for sure was that he played badly, and deserved defeat.

Shindou wished him good night, his manner a little too bright for Ogata's liking. When Ogata looked him in the eye, he quickly turned away and beat a hasty retreat. Nervous? Shindou had no reason to be, not after the impressive way he played tonight.

"Such solid play..." This was not typical for an Insei, a junior player preparing for the pro exams. This was the technique of a master. "Yes, it was as if I was playing with Sai." Ogata laughed at himself for such wishful thinking. "It's impossible! I must be really drunk."

Shindou paused on his way to the door. He turned around, a puzzled look on his face.

"What's wrong? Did you forget something?"

Shindou froze. "No, no. I'm fine." He stared at the empty chair he had vacated, his brow puckered, as if waiting for something to happen. After a few seconds, he shrugged and let himself out of the hotel room.

"Strange boy," Ogata muttered to himself. He lounged back in the small chair, his gaze returning to the empty Go board. Fortunately for his pride, there were no other witnesses to his humiliation. Ashiwara would tease him without mercy if he knew, but his friend was usually a deep sleeper. Hopefully Shindou knew how to keep his mouth shut. But even if he did brag to his Insei friends, Ogata knew he had a reasonable excuse.

He slid the alcove door shut so Ashiwara wouldn't be disturbed by the moonlight, then pulled off his glasses and tossed them on the Go board. Disrespectful behaviour, but he didn't care. The last time he consumed so much beer was after he had passed the pro exams. There had been no question that he would pass - but he was so happy and relieved to be proven right. That same night, dizzy with the mix of triumph and alcohol, he'd believed that he could achieve anything - until he'd woken up with the hangover from hell the next morning.

He rested his elbows on his knees and rubbed his eyes. Ogata 10-Dan. Even now, he didn't feel worthy of it. It wasn't his fault that Touya Kouyo decided to retire, but he felt guilty about the decision - as if he were somehow responsible because he'd defeated him in the Jyuden Title match.

Ogata sighed. He shouldn't have gone drinking tonight. The pleasant buzz it gave him was too fleeting, while the bleak despair it induced was all too real.

The Go board seemed to dance before him, like rippling water in the sun. He rubbed his eyes and looked again, willing it to focus.

The chair opposite him was occupied again.

He was a young man dressed in a plain white kariginu robe, a form of dress that dated back to the Heian era. He wore a tall black eboshi headdress on his head. His skin was pale and smooth, unmarked by age, his lips brightly coloured, and his features delicate and refined, almost feminine in appearance. However, there was something in his eyes that caught Ogata's attention, a bleakness that made him appear older than his years. His hair was long and violet-black, tied in a loose ponytail behind his back. He clasped a fan in his lap; the wide sleeves of the robe not quite concealing his graceful hands and long fingers. Though Ogata was no student of history, he recognised the style of dress. This man was an official who served the Emperor...but what was he doing in his hotel room?

Ogata rested his forehead in one hand, and silently vowed never to drink to excess again. Not only did alcohol make him low, it also made him see imaginary people.

"I've wanted to play you for a long time," the young man said. He had a light and melodic voice that was clear and pleasing to the ear. "I remember how you watched Hikaru in the Young Lions Tournament, the way your eyes never left the Go board as you followed the game. You could see Hikaru's potential, just as I did when I taught him. But you couldn't see me or hear me. My challenge to you fell on deaf ears. So I resigned myself to watching you play others, and hearing news of your progress from Hikaru."

Ogata began to massage his temples. This was bad. Not only was he seeing imaginary people, he was hearing them as well.

"But then you said my name in the hospital, and it was as if my hunger had found an earthly voice. You spoke with such passion and desperation, as if you understood and shared my emptiness. A game is a test of character, a competition between souls. Touya Kouyo recognised this truth. I thought you did too." He pointed his fan at the empty Go board. "But this game you played tonight has proven otherwise. It is unworthy of you."

Ogata lifted his head, eyes narrowed. Hallucination or not, he was not going to take insults from anyone. He was a 10-Dan now. Even drunk, he was still 10-Dan.

"Who the hell are you?"

The man froze, his painted lips parted in an O of surprise. He stared at Ogata, his expression so comical that Ogata almost laughed.

"Can...can you hear me?" He clutched his hands together as if in prayer, suddenly excited as a young boy. "Can you see me?"

"What do you think?" Ogata snapped. "Do you know who you're talking to? I am the holder of the Jyuden title. Do you know how long it has taken me to get this far as a pro? Do you know the hours I spent poring over the kifu of Go masters? The hours I spent in Go salons and study groups honing my skill when I could have been living a normal life? The setbacks and humiliations I suffered when I was just about to reach my goal? Now that I've won a title, I deserve recognition...respect." His eyes clouded as he remembered Touya Kouyo's shock retirement. He had the title, yes, but none of the rest. And did he even deserve that? Maybe his win was a fluke. Maybe if they played again, Touya Kouyo would crush him easily, just as Shindou crushed him tonight.

What did he deserve?

"I deserve," Ogata muttered to himself, "the right to be drunk in peace and quiet."

"The path to the Hand of God is a long and winding one," the stranger said gently. "There will be many more challenges and setbacks. Winning a title is merely the start of your journey, Ogata-san."

Ogata laughed. "Enough of the gratuitous advice and empty homilies." He composed himself and lounged in his chair, taking the opportunity to study this figment of his imagination. How pale he and ethereal he looked with the moonlight gilding his skin. "Who are you?"

"You really can see me." The man smiled sadly. "Now after all this time...I suppose I should be grateful for such kindness, even as the end draws near. God still gives, even as he takes away." He inclined his head slightly in greeting. "Good evening, Ogata-san. My name is Fujiwara no Sai. I was a Go tutor in the Emperor's court in the Heian Era. Lately I have been Hikaru's tutor in Go." There was no disguising the pride in his voice when he spoke Shindou's name. "He has gone from strength to strength in such a short time, hasn't he?"

"He has, yes." Ogata didn't know what else to say. He'd never engaged in conversation with a hallucination before. And why did his alcohol-fuelled imagination insist on making Sai appear so youthful? He'd always envisioned the master player as a wizened old man. "So you are the mysterious Sai? You look very well for someone who has lived so long."

"Thank you. That's because I'm a ghost," he explained. "I...I died when I was young, and my spirit was sealed in a Go board for several centuries. I was reborn two years ago when Hikaru found me."

"Ahhh." Ogata nodded as if this explained everything. If this was a ghost, why didn't he feel goose-pimples prickling his skin or shivers down his spine? Shouldn't ghosts be vengeful and angry? But this Sai looked so sad...and disturbingly attractive.

It had been ages since Ogata had permitted himself the luxury of lusting after another person, male or female. His girlfriend complained bitterly about how little she saw him while he prepared for the title match. And Go players were a plain-looking lot in general - they were not chosen for their vanity or looks.

But Fujiwara no Sai was a beautiful man. The aura of ambiguous sexuality did not repulse Ogata in the slightest; it only enhanced his mysterious allure.

Sai shifted in his seat, uncomfortable with Ogata's lingering scrutiny. "The best way to judge an opponent is to play him. Only then can you see your opponent's true ability, deep within the space of the Go board itself. That was why you were so eager to play me, yes? But the time was never right...and now that we have played..." He shook his head in frustration. "This must be as unsatisfying for me as it is for you."

Ogata reached for the pack of cigarettes in his shirt pocket. "It doesn't matter." He pulled out one, placed it between his lips and lit it. "There will be other times, and other games. Intoxication is only a temporary condition. We can always play-" He stopped in mid-sentence as the realisation hit him: the only reason he saw Sai now was because of his intoxication. When he sobered up enough to play, this hallucination would vanish.

"No," Sai told him. "My time is up. My thousand-year quest is coming to an end."

"Your time is up? What do you mean?"

"I will no longer be here," he said simply. "I will no longer haunt this earth."

"Why not?"

"It is not my purpose to question why. But I feel that I have done what I was meant to do." Sai looked out the window, seeing something beyond the range of human vision. "I have trained and encouraged the new generation of Go players. They will follow in my footsteps and build on my achievements. Slowly but surely, they will move closer to the Hand of God. I know it!" His voice rang with determination, but his eyes closed in pain. He clenched the fan until his knuckles turned white.

As Ogata watched, something sparkled and slipped down Sai's cheek.

"Why are you unhappy? Isn't this the desire of every ghost, to rest his weary soul in eternal peace?"

Sai looked at him, eyes glittering with more unshed tears. "But I...I still want to play. There are still so many things to learn. Go is my means of self-expression, my method of communication. The Go board is the place I meet and commune with others, soul to soul. Even when none of you could see me except for Hikaru, you all knew of me because I challenged you across the Go board. Don't you understand? Without Go, I am nothing."

Even on the verge of crying, he was still incredibly attractive. Without thinking, Ogata reached out with one hand and touched the trail of moisture on his cheek. "That's not true," he murmured. "There are other ways of communicating, especially for one so beautiful."

"You can touch me." Sai stared at him in wonder. "I can feel you touching me!"

"I can do a whole lot more than that," Ogata replied. He flicked his cigarette carelessly out the window, and pulled Sai in for a kiss.

Sai froze, but Ogata was experienced and persistent. His tongue teased at the lower lip, then the upper lip, gently nibbling at them until they parted for him. They trembled beneath his, but Sai didn't resist as Ogata deepened this kiss, angling his head so he could taste more. Sai smelled sweet; inhaling his sweetness made Ogata dizzy. He stroked Sai's face, the angle of his jaw, and felt the soft texture of makeup powder against his fingertips. Kissing Sai was like kissing a beautiful woman, so soft and delicate. Only the strength of his fingers as he gripped Ogata's shoulders betrayed his masculinity, yet they trembled - uncertain whether to push him away or drag him close.

Ogata made the decision for him. He tugged Sai closer, making his hat tumble from his head, and overbalancing him so that he lay half sprawled over the Go board. One of the containers fell to the ground with a crash, scattering black stones on the floor. Ogata's glasses teetered on the edge of the board as well.

Sai drew back, startled, but Ogata didn't care. He stood up, and grabbed Sai's wrist. "I can't show you my true power in Go, much as I long to play you properly. But...I can at least demonstrate my power in this." He bent his head to nibble at the soft inside of Sai's wrist. With one hand he pushed at the sleeve of the robe to expose more of his flesh. The skin was smooth like a woman's, but the muscles were male, lean and taut with nervous tension. The pulse thudded wildly against his lips, making Ogata smile. When he laved it gently with his tongue to soothe it, he felt tremors along Sai's forearm.

He looked up, his mouth still moving over Sai's flesh.

Sai's eyes were wide, like a deer caught in headlights. "I...I've never..."

"Never?" Ogata's lips twisted in a wry smile. "A thousand years, and you've never done this? I can remedy that." He tugged again, and Sai came to him, bewildered and confused but fascinated in spite of himself. "I can't believe someone so delectable as you has never-"

"Ogata? Is that you?" Ashiwara's voice mumbled from behind the sliding door. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. Never better." He pulled Sai close and kissed him again before he could speak. He dragged his fingers through long black hair, relishing the silken texture.

"You sure? What's with all the noise? Some of us have an early start tomorrow, you know."

Sai trembled again, but he didn't push Ogata away. He clasped Ogata's neck with an eagerness that bordered on desperation, his fingernails digging into his nape. Such an appealing mix of masculine and feminine traits.

Ogata pulled away from those painted lips to draw breath. "Sorry for waking you," he muttered. "Don't worry about me. Go to sleep." He sat down in the chair, and pulled Sai into his lap. Quietly he buried his mouth in Sai's long white throat, his lips and tongue creating a delicious wet suction against pale flesh.

A strangled moan left Sai's lips. He writhed, half-wanting to be free, but not actively fighting for freedom. He'd lived on this earth for a millennium...and he'd never experienced the sheer exhilaration of such physical intimacy before. He pulled at the collar of his hitoe, trying to expose more of himself to Ogata's ravenous mouth.

Ogata slid his hands beneath the robes. Where was the opening? It was like trying to unwrap a present in the dark, only to find another layer of wrapping beneath. Ogata fumbled blindly for the divided skirt, and sighed with relief when Sai assisted him in removing the flowing silk fabric. Finally he slid his fingers up Sai's thigh, marvelling at the smooth skin and wiry muscles beneath.

"Oh." Sai's voice was soft with wonder. "Ohh."

"See?" Ogata growled against his ear. He nibbled and bit at the curve of his throat. "A different...method...of communication...but no less effective." He found his prize easily enough, and massaged Sai's length with eager strokes. "Feel what I'm doing to you. Feel...and enjoy."

Sai's hips began to thrust, seeking to match the rhythm of Ogata's hand. His face was flushed with heat, and his long hair fell over his face as he panted for breath. He clutched Ogata's neck like a lifeline, clinging to him as the sensations carried him aloft, lifting him higher and higher. Whimpers of need left his throat.

Ogata watched, narrowed eyes glittering with lust. Sai was so incredibly beautiful, gasping quietly in the moonlight, his eyes dark with passion instead of grief. Ogata growled softly as Sai's restless movements pressed against his own aching arousal. He couldn't wait any longer.

"I want you." Ogata's voice was thick to his own ears, slurred with arousal and alcohol. Abruptly he pushed Sai out of his lap. He unzipped his trousers, then pulled them down along with his underpants, all the time still seated in the chair.

Sai trembled, his breathing harsh in the still night air, dark hair spilling over his shoulders. He faced the window, unable to even look at Ogata. Freed from the spell of his touch, Sai looked as if he was on the verge of taking flight.

Ogata held one arm, beckoning him closer. "Come to me, Sai...please. My power...my ability...let me prove myself to you."

Sai blinked, and turned to look at him. Something flared in the near-black depths - an understanding of Ogata's desire and frustration; the same intensity of emotions he had shown when he'd shoved Shindou against a wall and shouted it so loud that his voice echoed in the hospital corridor: "Let me play Sai!"

Slowly Sai approached Ogata until he stood before him, his stance ramrod straight as if he were a member of royalty himself.

Ogata reached out to grab him, but Sai shook his head.

"What...what is it?"

"A game must have rules," Sai said quietly. He lifted his robes, and straddled Ogata's thighs as he knelt in the armchair facing him. It would have been impossible for a man of normal musculature, but Sai accomplished it easily with his slender, willow-like frame.

Ogata slid his hands beneath the robes, squeezing Sai's thighs, his hands grasping the curves of his ass. "Tell me your rules," he muttered, his gaze never leaving Sai's face.

Sai suddenly smiled, mischievous as a little boy. "I am new to this. You must teach me, Ogata-san. Play me now, and show me what you are capable of." He lowered himself down, slowly, and Ogata guided him the rest of the way home.

They started off slow and gentle, with thrust and matching counter-thrust. Sai bit his lip the first time, but he kept moving, his eyes wide and glittering in the darkness as he loomed over Ogata.

For Ogata, it was perfect. The enveloping wetness that welcomed him in, the graceful fingers ruffling his hair, the painted lips and soft gasps that feathered his brow...if it was all a drunken illusion, then Ogata never wanted to be sober again. They were both partially dressed: Sai in his robes, the heavy cloth rustling with each rise and fall of his hips; he in his dark blue shirt, the tie hanging loosely around the collar, and his trousers around his ankles.

Ogata lounged back in the chair, bracing his legs further apart so he could thrust harder. He fumbled beneath the robes to squeeze Sai again, and was rewarded with a moan of appreciation. Sai rested his forearms against the narrow arms of the chair for support, his long fingers clutching the smooth wood as he panted above him. His dark hair fell over his shoulders, shrouding them both from the moonlight. His gaze remained fixed on Ogata, except for brief moments when a jolt of pleasure-pain made him shiver and close his beautiful eyes.

For a novice, Sai was a natural. Despite his lack of experience, there was a sureness in his actions, a decisiveness that indicated courage and firmness of will. He was not one to back away from a challenge. But neither was he stubborn, for he eagerly followed Ogata's lead without hesitation, as pliant as a young boy with a favourite teacher.

Ogata sighed deeply. Such unequivocal trust...he loved it, craved it. He clutched Sai closer to him, determined to remember everything. Those beautiful eyes - not brown, and not quite black. Violet-black perhaps, but no human possessed such a strange eye colour. Maybe this was another of the vagaries of his hallucination. But there was no denying the fathomless intensity of his stare, the way he seemed to peer into Ogata's very soul - seeing him in the spaces within.

Like a game of Go?

No. Ogata felt exposed, but not the least bit afraid. Sai wasn't his rival: he was just as vulnerable and exposed. They were allies playing on the same team, striving for the same objective. Something more immediate. More intense. More physical. More...more...

Sai cried out, a high sweet sound that shattered the silence. Ogata growled and followed him a few seconds later.

For several minutes, the only sounds in the room were their ragged breaths.

With trembling limbs, Sai dismounted from him. "I must go," he whispered. "Hikaru has gone to sleep now, and when his mind rests, so must I." He pulled on the divided skirt, then picked up the ridiculously tall hat and the small fan from the floor. He shook his long hair off his shoulders, and placed the hat on his head.

Even though he was physically satiated, Ogata still wanted more. "Can we do this again?" Hastily he pulled up his trousers. "If I get drunk, will I see you?"

"It's impossible, Ogata-san. The passion for Go that lasted a thousand years is coming to an end. Perhaps even tomorrow, it will be all over."

"What are you talking about?" Ogata stood up to clutch Sai's shoulders. They were warm and solid. Real. As real as the lips he'd kissed, and the willing body in which he'd found release. "You feel real. What we just shared - that was real. If I believe in you then you are real to me, regardless of what anyone else thinks!"

Sai stroked his cheek, his expression grave yet tender. "Thank you. To be real to others...it is the dearest wish of every ghost."

"I should be thanking you." Ogata turned toward the fingers, kissing them with his lips. "Please, let me see you again. We don't even know each other-"

Sai silenced him with a finger against his lips. "Not in Go, unfortunately. But, thanks to you, in another way we have learnt much about each other." His eyes were warm. "If you apply yourself to Go with the same determination and patience you demonstrated tonight, then surely you will grow in strength. It is as inevitable as night following day."

"Really?" How Ogata wanted to believe it.

"Yes. Do not fear failure. It is only through setbacks that we realise our true ability." He began to fade before Ogata's eyes. "Farewell, Ogata-san. I will not forget our game. I hope you will remember it too."

"Wait!" But Ogata's hands grasped nothing, even as he tried to embrace Sai's disappearing form. He was left holding air scented with perfume and lit with silver rays of moonlight.

Had he dreamt it all? Had it been an illusion?

He looked at the stones scattered on the floor and the container resting on its side.

Illusions didn't knock things over. Ghosts, perhaps, but not illusions.

Could Sai have been telling the truth?

Ogata put on his glasses, and knelt to pick up the black stones. When he had found them all, he closed the container and placed it on the Go board.

"You're wrong, Sai," he murmured. "Your passion will never die, because it lives on within each of us."

_And it burns like corrosive acid within my heart, for I was denied the chance to play you properly._

But there was still young Hikaru, who had thrived under Sai's tutelage, and now improved with every match. One day, he would be a worthy rival, maybe equal to Sai himself.

Ogata sat back in his chair, and took out another cigarette. He was a patient man. It was one of the many traits Go had instilled in him.

He knew how to wait.


End file.
